Character and Self-Determination

Club Hopping

Holy S**t, Socrates Was Right!

It's that time of year when I examine the life I'm living, and for a couple weeks, I become a terrible person- grouchy at home, short with my friends, and unsteady in my desire to be a coach who does the right thing.  The conflicts that arise during the tryout season are brutal.  Genuinely wanting the best for a kid, but also for a group, wanting kids to enjoy the game (as opposed to having adults mess it up for them) and all the individual variables that come into play - cost, travel time, other interests, ability level, etc.  Trying to help overwhelmed parents make good choices...I lose my patience and am all too often astounded at the willingness of otherwise bright, caring adults to be sucked in by peer pressure and (deeply flawed) conventional wisdom.  All the while, I feel caught, because there's no way I could possibly pretend to be offering unbiased information!  

And I'm part of the problem...oh, am I part of it.  I pick kids for my teams from other clubs so my team gets better.  I pray my players don't leave so my team remains strong.  I succumb to the pressure of winning so parents think they have done the right thing for their kid, even though I have 30 plus years of research to prove that the win/loss column has NOTHING to do with future success of an athlete or the happiness of an individual.  Easier than actually educating those parents, God knows.  It's enough to make me want to become a damn shepherd.  So it was fortuitous when I came across three items regarding the quality of the person at the center of these decisions.

Interesting bit on NPR recently on the outcomes of college graduates in terms of overall life satisfaction.  Gallup released some numbers that (shockingly) revealed that while we continue to chase what others tell us is valuable, it's those who think just a little more independently who are actually satisfied in their station in life:

The graduate survey released Tuesday suggests the factors that should be guiding college decisions are not selectivity or prestige, but cost of attendance, great teaching and deep learning, in that order...when you ask college graduates whether they're "engaged" with their work or "thriving" in all aspects of their lives, their responses don't vary one bit whether they went to a prestigious college or not.

I know...great teaching is available only at Harvard and Williams.  Just like great coaching is only found at La Maisa and Clairefontaine.  Or great parents are only available at your house.

It's the cost of attendance that catches my eye, as well as the "deep learning."  Sadly, while you can buy your kid's way into a "top" club/team or the snazzy private school, you cannot buy the ability to be a deep learner.  That's called intrinsic motivation, and it's free...if you know how to inspire and nurture it.  Remember the point about quality teachers being a little more available than we might think?  And just what is a parent's role in helping a kid become a deep learner?  Does running across town to the "big" (or "better" or "winning" - all three typically euphemisms for expensive) club offer greater satisfaction?  Send the right message to your kid?  If people thrive whether they went to Harvard or Akron, will club hopping bring profound happiness to your child?

Let's dumb it down a little for folks who might not fully understand the definition of deep learning, and take a nice quote from Mike Rowe's facebook page (hmm...this is good teachable stuff...but he's not on the faculty at Princeton...).  Rowe was contacted by a fan seeking advice on his career...a year spent looking for the right career fruitlessly inspired the guy to ask Mike for help and Mike offered this:

Stop looking for the “right” career, and start looking for a job. Any job. Forget about what you like. Focus on what’s available. Get yourself hired. Show up early. Stay late. Volunteer for the scut work. Become indispensable. You can always quit later, and be no worse off than you are today. But don't waste another year looking for a career that doesn't exist. And most of all, stop worrying about your happiness. Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs.

Many people today resent the suggestion that they’re in charge of the way the feel. But trust me, Parker. Those people are mistaken. That was a big lesson from Dirty Jobs, and I learned it several hundred times before it stuck. What you do, who you’re with, and how you feel about the world around you, is completely up to you.

Good luck -

Mike

I can only think of folks who chase the next better club/coach/team/record.  That's simply buying superficial success and thinking that satisfaction will result.  You want to be a great player?    "Show up early. Stay late. Volunteer for the scut work. Become indispensable."  Moving a team that "wins" (you know, the prestigious somebody-else's-moneymaker-labor-day-classic) doesn't make you better!  It doesn't set you apart, it only gets you in with other shallow, lazy people who think the result makes the man.  That's so ass-backward it defies belief.  The man makes the result.  Consider this on what sort of person makes up a part of a championship team, from a top collegiate program, written by a coach who has won more titles than anyone you know:

Type of Person
*Emotional maturity, selfless, no ego, no attitude, willing to lead by serving. No matter how talented you are, you first have to be a good teammate, with a spirit of sacrifice, discipline, trust, and respect. Absent those qualities, you can’t play for us. Zero bad apples; we find the right people and don’t burden them with the wrong people for any reason.

People who jump clubs and cave in to adult pressure to justify other's lousy decisions (how misery does love company) by hauling your kid across creation for a game where you wear short pants and chase a ball are failing as parents.  Have you taught your child about "a spirit of sacrifice," selflessness, a willingness "to lead by serving" today?

Or, forget I said anything, and go buy another experience for your kid.  Let's be honest, if moving from club A to club B is of importance to you, in the absence of relocation, a toxic coaching situation, bullying within the team, or some other truly problematic situation, then you're probably raising the sort of character who a top program won't "burden" the "right people" with.  

So good riddance.  

Unless I pick you for my team...and I'll do my best to do my penance for being a big part of the problem.